I've been in this really negative mood lately. It's a bad place to be . . . . .
I would love to be able to pinpoint "the mood" -
Could it be my financial problems?
Could it be my 35th birthday?
Could it be that I lost a childhood friend - she just doesn't want to be my friend anymore and I don't know why?
Could it be that I've been alone now for over seven years?
Could it be that I really would like to get married and have children some day and that the reality of it is that it just may not be meant to be?
Try and focus on the positive things in my life - that is what my counselor would tell me. That is what all my "peeps" are going to tell me -
Well, it's getting too damn hard and I'm sick of it!
Do I feel better now that I vented? Maybe . . . . . . . . . . . .
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4 comments:
We all go through this at one time or another...I have..I think your feelings have a lot to do what you just listed. It's easier to say look on the brighter side but I totally relate because I've been there.
Although money shouldn't make us happy I think a lot of happiness does come from money. I'm not talking about being wealthy,but comfortable and not have to struggle. This can damper anyone's mood...your not the only one.
I'm in debt, and I hate it but the way I look at it, is that I'm doing the best I can and that's all I can do. I get into my days but most days I'm okay about it.
As for your lost friend...she's missing out on a great friendship...her loss. I know it's still hurts. I lost some friendships (as you know) and it was hard but you know, I feel better about things. To me it's their loss and looking back, I who needs those negative people to bring me down anyways.
I know your lonely...I would be too. I know someday you will meet someone. It's just so hard nowadays to meet anyone. Once you do, that person will know how special you really are and will be proud to be with you. It's just meeting them, that it's the hardest.
As for kids and marriage...I know you will be married someday. I'm with Rich but doesn't mean we are going to be married anytime soon or have kids. I"m approaching 40 too so who knows if I'm going to have kids or if I can. I have finally accepted that if it's meant to be it will be. Sure I would love to have kids but I have to accept I may not someday.
I know your counsler means well and it's easier for someone to just say focus on positive things...it will come in time. I had to do a lot of soul searching to find peace with myself. You will have that someday too.
Love Ya!
PS...sorry for the book...lol!
lori, thats a big list of big things that are bothering you. im sorry you are having this "mood" and sometimes you have to let yourself go thru these emotions. sometimes going thru them & working thru them helps you deal with it sometimes & can make you stronger.
you need to be more forgiving to yourself and more accepting of who you are. learning how to do this for myself has helped me to not carry around negative feelings like i used to. sometimes i still sit there & say god look how goovy i look.. or why am i such an idiot & think stupid things, do stupid things...but the truth is, we all do stupid things from time to time...we all have our bad moments - no one is perfect. we have to deal with it & learn from it.
as for the childhood friend whos acting like a jerk - try to move on. it hurts & leaves you baffled as to what you did, but maybe you didnt do anything. maybe its just things going on in her life that are causing her to be rude. who knows, but you deserve better. and as much as it hurts, remember those friends that are there for you & love you very much.
as for relationship & kids - sometimes when we focus too much on it, we divert ourselves from that for some reason. live life for now - live life for you.. accept who you are, love yourself..and in time i know the right man is going to find you lori. you are a very special person who has a lot to offer someone. any man would be lucky to have you.
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a mood! I know that it takes a lot of effort and that it is too hard to do but you have to believe in all of the positives! You have a career that you are so good at and love...you've been able to do some wonderful trips and you've learned so much from them! I say enjoy these while you can! I know that you must get terribly lonely and I'm sure that it sucks big time, but be glad for the opportunities that you've had. Those of us who started a family earlier in life might be able to enjoy some of those things such as traveling when the children are all grown up. But the schooling, career and such...you are so lucky to be doing what you wanted to do 'when you grow up'! Smile, Lori! What goes around, comes around and you will get the best there is cuz you deserve it! :)
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