Just wanted to do an update on what is going on in M-Dawg's world (warning - VERY negative post!):
*I didn't get the teaching position at my first school. I received the phone call last night. The assistant principal (I'm friends with him) wanted to tell me over the phone instead of waiting for the letter. I'm upset and disappointed. For five years, all I've heard from administrators and other teachers was how they wanted me to come back. Nice.
*Survived the Sophomore Social (dance) for my class. My co-advisor and I have decided that we will resign at the end of the school year from being their class advisor. The officers do absolutely nothing and we are not paid enough to deal with the stress and bullshit.
*My classroom is currently in a modular trailer. I've been in the trailer for 1 1/2 year. The entire freshman house is moving out the trailers over April break. I filled out my request form over a month ago for boxes and moving supplies. When do I get my supplies and boxes: a week ago! I have a ton of shit to pack. Luckily, I have student leaders and a colleague of mine helped me pack most of it. It will be nice to be back in the main building again. Strange. They are moving us to a temporary classroom until June. Then they will move us to our permanent home which will be up on the third floor. I won't be unpacking anything except for two boxes of stuff I need to get me through the rest of the school year.
*My shoulder is still painful. I have an appt next week with an orthopedic surgeon.
*Good news: I'm on April break starting on Monday. A whole week off from school. I do have a busy week filled with appointments and working at Paws.
*I really need a break from school. I'm in such a bad mind set right now. Very negative and burnt out. Exhausted from working all the time and getting no financial rewards. And very poor! :-(
*And the best part of my life right now: my first mortgage is going up $250 a month. Got the letter last week notifying me of the increase. They won't even talk to me since I'm still paying my mortgage on time. Nice! I have two mortgages and the second one will go up too. I can't refinance since I owe more on my condo than it's worth right now. So, I'm screwed. Gotta love life. When you are down, you are DOWN! I am looking for a roommate to help defer the costs. If you know of anyone, let me know. I'm also posting an ad on Craig's List.
This is my life. Shitty right now. I think I need to go back into counseling again. I'm really having a hard time dealing with stuff. My personal life sucks. My professional life sucks. Trying to focus on what is good in my life and I just can't seem to do it.
End of vent/bitch/losing mind session. :-(
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4 comments:
yikes... when it rains it pours...
maybe counseling is a good idea... i always feel better after venting and getting the negative out there...
about the job - its possible that they do want you back, but the job that was open just wasn't the right fit... keep your eyes open maybe now that the schoolyear is getting closer to the end there might be more positions opening up.
i know i don't have much to ofter, but if there is something i can do, let me know!!
we love you
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Don't give up! I know i mentioned to you regarding this on the phone the other night. I know it seems dark and no light at the end of the tunnel but have faith.
You are too good of a person to let the negatives control your life. FIGHT! Yes, you are going through a very very rough time in your life and I don't blame you for feeling depressed but remember you are not alone in the world. Especially where your condo is concerned and the job market. I do hope it gets better for you. I wish I could do or say something to make it better for you.
I think counseling is a great idea. The key is to find the right one for you. Because you and I are the same when it comes to that stuff. If you don't find the right one, then we give up on it. Maybe someone can recommend a good one for you. Have you thought about seeking help with a financial advisor too? Maybe they can help you out in that department too?
I'm always here if you want to talk. Stay strong and don't let the demons get ya down!
Yuck, yuck, yuck...that's all I can say right now!! I will never understand schools and the hiring of teachers...it is NEVER done with the students' interests at heart. Wow. Look at it this way, going back would mean just that...going back. You need to move forward. What an asset you are in the lives of the students you currently have. I've always known that teaching was a thankless job - doesn't make it any easier. We don't find out until many years later just how great an impact we've made.
I'm a supporter of counseling as well.
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