I know it's been a while since I've posted on my blog. The initial reason was that softball season started up and I've been very busy with that. However, I received some devastating news on Friday.
I've been trying to muster up the nerve to share this information so here it goes:
I was pulled out of my classroom at the end of the day on Friday to be told by my Principal that I would not be coming back next school year. I was numb. I was upset. I was sick to my stomach. I asked why and his response is that he legally can't tell me why because I'm within the first three years. Yes, I've been fired. I thought I was a good teacher. I thought I was doing everything right. Apparently not. Thank God for my colleagues in the History/English Office. They were completely shocked by this news - it makes not sense they tell me. They tell me I'm dedicated, caring, and a good teacher. What makes this even worse is that the principal (who hardly ever "works" with me or seen me teach) overrided my Dept Chair's decision. Peter, my chair, fought hard to keep me. Peter works with me everyday. He's seen me in the classroom many times! My formal evaluations are great from Peter and the other administrators in the building. I have received no formal evaluation from my Principal in the three years I've been in the school. Unfortunately, the union can't do anything because of the law so their hands are tied. How am I supposed to grow as an educator and learn from this experience if I'm not told what I did wrong?
The students knew something was up today because I looked like crap (I haven't slept all weekend and everything I eat comes up). Kids are very perceptive! I was told to wait a while to tell them I'm leaving. They are going to freak out! I don't like having to lie to them.
Can I just say how blessed I am to have such great friends and family in my life? Everybody has been so supportive to me during this very difficult time.
I'm feeling a lot right now: anger, what the hell did I do wrong?, scared, confusion, etc. I just don't understand why I was let go. I also know that I can't wrack my brain and overanalyze this or I'll go crazy.
As I've posted in prior posts, I'm very dedicated and emotionally connected to my school. I'm invested! So, I'm taking this very hard. I just don't get it. I probably will never find out why I was let go. All I can do is move forward.
I have many concerns right now. First, is my mortgage and other bills. Second, health insurance. I'm also worried that because I have seven years experience, I'm almost too expensive to hire. We are having major budget cuts out here in MA in education so I keep thinking if I'll be able to find a job.
I also need to re-evaluate my professional life. I adore teaching. But, maybe this a wakeup call for me to stop having my job focus around my life. It's so easy for me to throw myself into my job. After Paul and I broke up, I literally threw myself into my job because I didn't want to feel all that hurt. Being a workaholic is not a good thing in the field of education because people can take advantage of you. So, I pose a question: how do I maintain a level of being the best history teacher that I can be, but also have a life outside of school?
Today, I resigned from the softball coach position. I can't be an effective coach and look for a job at the same time. I felt bad for the varsity coach to leave her on short notice but I need to do what it is best for me. I put everyone else ahead of my own feelings that I never think of myself. That changed today. Luckily, the athletic director and the varsity coach were very supportive. They are both in shock of me being let go too.
My parents have been great. Of course, one of the comments out of the mouth was: "You can always come back to IL." I've been out here since 1994. Moving back to IL would not solve my problems. I'm happy here. Even though I continue to have these small set backs, I'm still happy here. I do the best I can. I just wish that my parents would realize that.
So, after this huge book that I just babbled out to the cyber world, this is the reason why I haven't been blogging a lot lately.
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7 comments:
HOLY COW... I can't imagine what that principal could be thinking... I know that you are a GREAT teacher, and I don't have to see you teach to know that. Having the support of your colleagues definitely helps, but I can only imagine how crushed you must be.
But keep your chin up, this obviously is a problem with the principal, otherwise that person wouldn't be "overridding" your specific chairperson.
I hate to sound cliche but I really do believe things happen for a reason and this might just open up better doors for you. What doesn't kill you, makes you STRONGER. Every bad thing that has happened to me, has made me a better person. Death, break-ups, job problems, etc.
And just remember YOU ARE LOVED, and don't be afraid to accept help.
Deep Breathe...now say this too shall pass..this too shall pass. Everything will be okay...just have faith :)
Lori, I am really sorry to hear about your job.That principal can kiss my big old ass! I agree with Traci that everything happens for a reason. My mom said she was fired from her first teaching job and was devasted. She ended up doing very well after she was fired. She to was confused and couldn't figure out what she did wrong. I know this maybe hard for you to believe but I think you will find something else and be even happier then before. I believe in you!Did you ever think about teaching sex education? Ha! I understand that you don't want to live back here in Illinois. We would be thrilled to have you move back though. I know your happy out in Massachusetts. I can see why you would want to remain living there. Just remember I will always be here for you!
I didnt realize that the last post didnt put my name but instead my log in information. Just to let you know its Katie W. Sorry about the confusion!
Dang, Lori!! What an terrible blow! That principal must have one hell of a bug up his ass! I can only imagine how devastated you must be. I know how dedicated you are...and you always will be. You'll find that school out there that will appreciate it, too! There's a plan in the works for you Lori and it's gotta be good because you are a wonderful person who deserves it!
it will definitly drive you bananas if you keep trying to rack your brain for reasons for this... in my opinion it just sounds like the principle is an ass.. maybe he knows someone he's trying to get in there - who knows. but to not know what you did is the worst - so i would just assume YOU did nothing wrong. you are great person & teacher and if your chair department head was fighting for you - then you know you didnt do anything wrong. he knows you best.
hang in there lori. as they say things happen for a reason.. so maybe you're suppose to be somewhere else & be happier.
good for you for thinking of yourself & resigning from the softball team. you do need to put yourself first right now & get everything you need together.
to heck with that principal..he doesnt realize what he's losing. there's a lack of caring, hard working teachers like you. i hope he will eventually realize his mistake.
Hi Lori,
I'm just checking out your blog for the first time...wow, am I behind in the cyberworld! Anyway, I am SHOCKED...you are an EXCELLENT teacher and I learned so much from team-teaching with you at Timberlane. I am outraged with your principal; how can he/she fire you without giving you a reason? Even if it is within the first three years, they should give you a reason.
I agree with Traci that things happen for a reason. Right now, I am also in the midst of my own educational crisis. My school is down-sizing and one-third of us are slated to lose our jobs. This puts me in the position of competing with my trusted colleague, Ted, for a teaching position.
I have decided that I don't want to put myself under that amount of stress...so we can peruse the job market together from one coast to the other. I have decided to leave the classroom, though it makes me sad. I, too, have seven years of experience and am almost too expensive to hire.
My door is open (and my futon) if you still want to come for April break. San Francisco awaits your presence! Besides, I am so lonely out here, even though I love being back on the West Coast...would love a visit from you!
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