How do you like yourself?

I promised myself that I would work on ME this summer. Getting myself into a better frame of mind: physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Here is the update.

The mental part has been difficult. It's been really hard to think positively about myself when I don't like myself. So I've been trying to work on liking myself (not that I ever did like myself). When I was younger, I used to "fake" being happy since that is what everyone in my life seemed to expect of me. I realize that people can't be happy 24/7 but I can be happy some of the time. I've felt like a hypocrite since I'm always telling my students to like and love themselves and accept themselves for who they are or are becoming in this world. How can I tell my students to like themselves when I don't even like me for me? There are a lot of reasons why I've felt like I was never good enough. Some of it stems from child hood crap which I don't want to get into on this blog. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and realized that there are some people in my life that bring me down as a person. I'm working on removing this folks out of my life. I also work in two jobs that don't appreciate me (being a teacher speaks for itself and the other job is a long story). Regarding the teaching aspect, I'm working on trying to be positive in a very negative environment. If it means that I have to isolate myself and not be around the negative people, that is what I will have to do. The best feeling I have in the world is being in the classroom with my students and teaching them World History. The other job scenario: I can no longer be trusted (according to the owner) due to an incident and she believes what she wants of me no matter what I say to her. I can't work for someone that doesn't trust me. So, I will be doing some soul searching (and looking for another job) to better that situation. I've worked there for almost four years and all that retail experience is down the drain (I don't think I could even use the owner as a reference since I can't trust her to say anything nice about me). Nothing I do (or anyone else that works in the store) is good enough and it gets old after a while. I've also become very resentful that I have to work a second job after teaching for ten years. I'm sick of always working and never getting ahead. I adore the dogs. They are the best part of the job. But I've felt like I've been in an emotional abused relationship the past few years working there. I completely acknowledge that I'm not always the easiest person to be around at times but either is the owner (we are both VERY MUCH alike when it comes to be moody which is why we clash - I see that - she does not). So I'm going back to being "fake happy" to please her and that is not the way I want to live my life. The soul searching continues . . . . . . . . . .

The physical part has been a struggle. My shoulder still bothers but I'm putting off getting the surgery. I'm hoping that if I lose some weight, it might help the pain in my shoulder. I'm eating better now and exercising. I figure that if I look better and healthier, maybe I will like myself too. Food has always been an addiction of mine and I'm an emotional eater. Hence, the weight issues. Since I start coaching volleyball the end of August, I figured that I better get back into shape again. Gotta be a positive role model to the girls on the team! :-)

The spiritual part is also a struggle for me. I've been trying mediation to help relax me. Formal/organized religion doesn't seem to work (I was brought up Catholic and I don't believe in what the church stands for anymore). I feel like I need some type of spirituality in my life to grow as a person.

It's been a struggle but I'm working on it . . . . one day at a time. I don't expect miracles. But being truly happy and content with my life would be a wonderful way to start out the school year.

Thank you to all my supportive friends and Blog buddies - you all rock! :-)